I often hear people beat up on themselves about acting or feeling 'like a child.' Usually this sentiment is followed by something like, 'I'm an adult, I should be passed this kind of thing.' I get it, I really do. We are attracted to the fantasy that the passage times means we become adults. Moreover, we are attracted to the fantasy that being an 'adult' means we no longer feel out of control, bad, angry, pouty, jealous, rejected, rebellious, etc. Unfortunately, well, you get the gist. Another way of looking at development is that we have different parts of ourselves. Some parts get more nurture than others, and those parts grow up faster. So if we were lucky enough to have parents that could tolerate our sadness and anger then those sad and angry parts of ourselves grow up alongside our loving parts. If we didn't, then those sad and angry parts of ourselves might get left behind and stay feeling 'childlike.' In order to grow up, all parts of ourselves need to feel accepted. This is pretty rare, so that leaves us feeling 'childlike' sometimes. Or maybe we should just reconceptualize our idea of adulthood to include difficult feelings that still need acceptance. That is one of the goals of therapy.
9 Comments
12/5/2016 11:09:21 pm
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9/2/2017 10:28:02 pm
When you say at adulthood, it is the part of our life where in we begin to be more responsible to our actions. It is also associated with being able to understand how things work, and knowing what to do in different situations that life may give you. Some are afraid to reach this stage. Perhaps, it is because of the responsibilities during this stage. What I can say is that, one should not be afraid to grow old and grow up. It's part of life and there are lots of things to learn in this stage. So be thankful!
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The discussion about adults is very interesting, all the people who are performing their duties fully and are also responsible persons can be called adults. But those who neglect their responsibilities have no right to be respected and obeyed.
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AuthorI am a psychotherapist in private practice in Manhattan and Brooklyn Archives
December 2015
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