There is a certain kind of faith that it takes to stay in therapy. I don’t mean uppercase F Faith, but a willingness to let go of a certain level of control. Many of us go to therapy in part because we may have had to much of the responsibility to take care of ourselves. Maybe our parents were stressed out with their own lives, or maybe they were too depressed or anxious or self involved. As a result, we develop a sense that we need to control things. If I just do this, that will happen. Or, if I accomplish all the items on my list, then I can relax. In therapy this can translate into a feeling that we have to “make use” of every session, and talk about the “right” thing. We want bang for our buck and we want to feel like we are progressing. We all wrestle with this urge, even the therapists! But if you think about it, this sense that we can control it all is probably part of our suffering. To this urge I say, just keep coming. Trust the process and let it take over and give your mind a rest. This is easier said than done, and this is not to say that we shouldn’t care or be aware of how therapy is or is not feeling helpful. But I do encourage you to bring that issue into the room and let it be something we talk about. That is one thing you don’t have to be responsible for that on your own.
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AuthorI am a psychotherapist in private practice in Manhattan and Brooklyn Archives
December 2015
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