We learn most of what we know about relationships before we can even talk. In the business, we call this knowledge 'pre-verbal.' Our preverbal experience is pesky because, well, we don't have words for it. Imagine that your parents were very anxious about having a newborn and every time you cried, they were triggered into a panic attack. You won't remember this, but your wiring will adapt to take care of that parent, either by cutting off your needs so as to not threaten them, or by not learning to self regulate your emotions because you never got the proper kind of comfort. Either way, this is pre-verbal experience that leaks into later life and because so habitual that it is like the air we breathe. Whenever you wonder why you would do something that isn't good for yourself, or something that you rationally wouldn't decide to do, the stock explanation is that it's preverbal. We all find ourselves in those situations where we don't understand why we keep doing some self-destructive behavior, or why we can't do the more healthy behaviors we know we should. Well, the reason we can't figure out why is that it is generally pre-verbal. And because it feels too hard to figure it out with out verbal brains, we generally opt for explanations like, "I'm just lazy," or "I lack discipline," or "something is just wrong with me." This is where things really get messy and intractable. When I hear people say these things, I know we are up against the hard and early stuff. The hard stuff consists of the stuff we can't remember, the stuff we don't have words for, and the stuff that is too hard to feel. When you find yourself using these kind of self-blaming phrases, pause for a second and wonder what is going on, and what you might have had to adapt to as a baby in order to survive.
11 Comments
12/14/2016 10:23:36 pm
ES file explorer supports OBEX FTP for browsing devices and transferring files between Bluetooth devices.
Reply
8/1/2017 10:16:35 pm
If there are no words, it will be hard to communicate. Everything will be different and I can sense that progress would be hard to achieve. I just hope everyone's going to realize the importance of an idea that we can communicate well right now. Let's admit the fact that it is one of the most underestimated stuff, which in the first place a thing all of us should be grateful for.
Reply
I know that there are couples of ways on how we can express ourselves, but most of the time we can express it through the words we speak. From that, we can instantly assume how important these words could be in our lives. If there are hesitations and doubts you have that keep you way from expressing yourself, now is the time to let go; to acknowledge what's right. Please always consider that expressing yourself through words is one of the best favors you can do for yourself!
Reply
4/14/2017 05:22:24 am
You have defined the world's pre-verbal and preverbal very well. The examples are also very interesting. The thing which is very important for me is to respect the relations, give proper attention towards them and fulfill the needs. Nice discussion enjoyed reading.
Reply
6/3/2017 05:12:55 am
So wonderful of you to post an awesome article like this
Reply
7/15/2021 10:01:44 pm
Often people do not care about their relationship when they start their business because relations can be hinder in the field of success.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI am a psychotherapist in private practice in Manhattan and Brooklyn Archives
December 2015
Categories |